Hanging Out. An innocuous coming together of noun and adverb with the latter also doubling up as a proposition where circumstances warrant. Such beguiling innocuousness, however, is pregnant with implications and outcomes that have influenced civilization right from its advent. Humanity has thrived by dint of spontaneous association even before epithets, encomiums and appellations were coined to define and describe the simple act of people reveling in or even getting repelled by the notion of company.
As Sheila Liming highlights in an absorbing fashion in her compelling book, Hanging Out, the simple, yet profound act of hanging out is in real danger of being relegated to a mere footnote in the annals of socialization. The rampaging growth of digitalisation has scythed away at the joys and emotions of physical gatherings and get togethers without concrete agendas. Meet ups now represent people waving at each other from within the confines of an LED screen powered by hidden chips and powerful processors. This tendency has gained alarming traction since the COVID-19 outbreak. The pandemic has paradigmatically altered our perception of meeting and greeting.
Liming, an Associate Professor teaching writing at Champlain College, brings to bear her firsthand experiences to illustrate the worth of hanging out. Some of these stories involve experiences of hanging out with absolute strangers. For example, while visiting a friend in Scotland, Liming spends the best part of an entire night hanging out in the company of a bunch of people she happens to meet in a bustling street. Bar hopping, taking cabs, and taking in generous quantities of alcohol, Liming basks the night away in the company of strangers before making her escape when she realises that she has traveled quite a bit from her place of residence.
Liming comes across as an individual who seeks out company before creating exquisite tapestries of her experiences. The habit of Hanging Out seems to be inveterate to the personality of Liming. Playing the bagpipes, guitar and accordion, Liming recalls wonderful gigs and shows where artists gather more for the love of music and improvisation than making a career and buckets of money out of such an endeavour. Playing for a Pittsburgh band called The Armadillos, Liming formed an integral part of a motley crew that plied its wares often from the sparse residences of its band members. Having to bear with the chagrin, and at times, the wrath of disgruntled neighbours, The Armadillos bravely and beautifully continued before ending their association on a poignant note called “Times New Roman.”
Liming makes references to a plethora of books that pay homage to the prosaic yet fulfilling act of meeting in person. Jenny Odell’s fantastic book, How to Do Nothing gets multiple mentions, and deservedly so. But the book that resonated to the maximum degree personally is The Great Good Place by the sociologist Ray Oldenburg. Oldenburg coined the phrase “third places” to mean places that are neither homes (‘first places’) nor places of work (‘second places’). “Third places exist apart from the structures of domesticity and professionalism. They are places that are accessible, affordable, lively, and most importantly, places that enable people to be themselves and engage in free conversation that is bound by neither convention nor logic.” I can wholeheartedly relate to this notion since I shared my own “third place” with a friend who means more to me than mere words can describe.
Liming also has a lot to say about inculcating and preserving friendships. An enduring friendship must be built on the edifice of endurance and resilience. Conflicts are but an attendant outcome of loyal friendships. The most appropriate manner to resolve such conflicts lies in having frank conversations and resolving misunderstandings. Huffing and puffing, storming out of deliberations, and sticking to one’s own guns only fosters mistrust and acrimony.
Hanging Out – a heartfelt manifesto to reclaim one of the greatest pleasures bestowed upon mankind by nature and exacerbated by nurturing.